As the great Taj Mahal once sang:
“Change in the ocean, change in deep blue sea
Well there’s a change in my baby, but there aint never no change in me
Yeah, everybody they ought to change sometime”
It’s been quite a start to 2015 for me. Stuffed. Full. Of. Change. At the end of 2014 I found myself burnt out and spinning. I had a fun tour with my band across Canada but noticed that I wasn’t getting the same joy from playing live that I need. The past three years have been tough on my business. Constant revolving bass players had stunted my band growth and although I put out an album I’m proud of, at the end of 2014, I looked back and felt like I hadn’t made any real progress in the past three years and that I had been spinning my tires. Same clubs. Same pay. Not that I don’t enjoy the clubs we play. I certainly do but I want to move forward and that just hasn’t happened.
In December 2014 I had began a house gig in Rothesay. It started out as kind of a weird gig for me. It’s sort of background music. Typically I would find that sort of gig excruciating and not want to do it. During the run of Thursdays I had a bit of an epiphany with this gig. I could do whatever I wanted. I didn’t have to be the “blues” guy or worry about anyone saying “that’s not blues” or even worry about selling CDs or “entertaining”. It was refreshing. I started doing tunes I hadn’t played in years. Decades even. Before I knew it I found myself looking forward to these gigs the most. I found them relaxing. Playing music only for myself.
I knew 2015 was going to be a huge year of change. I could feel it. In December I decided, that due to the fact I wasn’t enjoying playing music live anymore, I would take the year off music after my solo tour. I thought I’d take a job and just write and record for my own pleasure without the pressure to tour it and sell. Try and find the joy in it again. As 2015 arrived I found myself STILL in that dark place. Beyond my house gig in Rothesay, I still wasn’t enjoying performing and the idea of a 3 month solo tour wasn’t exciting to me. I set out anyway, not knowing what else to do.
Then something great happened. On the second night of my tour at a show in Ottawa I found my mojo again. I realized that I could treat each gig like my Rothesay gigs and do/play whatever I wanted. I didn’t feel the need to entertain and my sole focus became all about playing the music to the best of my ability. After nearly 10 years in the music industry I finally learned something. Probably something I knew all along but hadn’t looked in the face yet. It was a freeing moment. I suddenly found myself enjoying the shows more than ever and I ended up having a killer tour packed with shows and fun. While I had a good tour I was still uncertain about the year and my permanent place in music. I decided I would put the band on the back burner after our summer dates in Alberta. We’ll still do occasional regional shows and Harvest Festival of course but it won’t be my focus in 2015. I also decided I will make a new record late this year and that it will be a solo effort. I decided I wouldn’t book myself silly and would relax a bit. Find a part time job. Play some shows but not book giant tours and drive myself insane.
Now I find myself living back in Fredericton after yet another major change. This one in my personal life. The adjustment has been surreal and a bit of a mind twister but I’m settling in. I forgot how much I love Fredericton. A beautiful city full of friends and family that have always been and continue to be my support group. My community. Last week I took a part time job and trained up. It was surreal to be back behind a bar. I haven’t slung dranks for eight years or so. It was immediately familiar and I realized I had been storing some muscle memory about the job deep in my psyche. I find it to be an excellent distraction from the things that cause me to stress out and get down. Not an avoidance. A distraction. More importantly I think I even had fun.
So tonight I start my first shift back at the Snooty Fox. I’ll be here part time and you’ll find me behind the bar most Sundays and Mondays. I’m really thankful to have a place that I could just “come home” to. I hope to see your familiar faces on the other side of the bar from time to time. I’m trying to find a way to be happy every day. I’m realizing that music isn’t the most important thing in my life anymore. Maybe it never was. I’m still creating and performing but now I’m doing it at my own leisure. I’m hoping this way I’ll enjoy it more and that as a result people who support what I do will enjoy it more as well.
I know there’s more changes coming down the tube for me but I’m just trying to stay present and find some peace in my life. It’s a lot of work but hopefully it will be worth it. Stay good friends. See ya around town.
Ross
PS. Enjoy this Taj tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c79T3TCkOpI